Ghilana Emma Lath Din'an
by taekemeaway
Summary: He kneels over her, her cold hand clasped in his own, wishing that things could have been different. She was – everything. And now, she's nothing. / Major Spoilers for Trespasser


**Ghilana Emma Lath Din'an**

 ** _Guide my love into Death._**

* * *

 _He kneels over her, her cold hand clasped in his own, wishing that things could have been different. There was a thousand ways for his plans to crumble, so many unknowns, a gamble, but only one path led to her. A brave young elf, knowing nothing beyond what she learned from her clan, interrupting a mad Tevinter magister striving for godhood, and dying because of that courage._

 _She was – everything. And now, she's nothing._

* * *

When he woke from Uthenera, he had been so sure of himself, of his mission. Save the People, raise the Empire of Elvhenan from the dust, destroy the Veil and the world that was born from its creation. Simple. Even after the Breach broke open the sky and his plans were thrown into chaos, he was still certain that he was on the correct path. But then, she caused his conviction to waver.

To put it simply, she ruined it. Ruined _everything_. Corypheus set his course on a more violent path, but it was she who set his soul ablaze with a warmth and love he never thought he could feel. Especially not for someone of the Fadeless world he created. He fell in love with the woman tasked with his failure, and sometimes he hated her for it. Hated her for making him doubt his decisions – he hated himself more for allowing those affections to fester.

Above all, he truly loved her more than he had ever loved someone before. She caused him to think of other options, of some other way to save the People without killing the innocents born from his costly decision. Sometimes he would spend hours on end, dreaming of other ways. A year passed and he kept coming to the same conclusion. He would destroy everything he loved. Again.

When he left her, her face free of the Vallaslin that marred it, it was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. He wanted to explain it all to her, beg her forgiveness, tell her the truth and rid himself of some of the guilt he felt. In the end, he couldn't. He started to curse his cowardice when he slowly realised –

If she were to learn of his plans, surely she would wish to aid him, that was simply who Inquisitor Lavellan was. He had already taken her life from her, he wouldn't force her against the world she knew and loved. There was much that angered him about the Dalish, of the lies they believed to be true, but the way she talked about them and their struggles, he didn't want to hurt her beyond what was entirely necessary.

In the years following his departure of the Inquisition, he had searched the ancient texts to try and save her from the mark bored into her palm. Even if he could prolong her life for even a decade, that would be enough. Still, he found nothing. And, in the end, he was too late anyway. She stepped through the Eluvian that would've guided her right to him, but she never made it that far.

After dealing with the Qunari, he waited. He stood there, overlooking the library and running through what he had prepared to say to her. For what seemed like an eternity, he waited. Eventually, he started to realise what was taking her so long and started slowly towards the Eluvian.

 _I was too late._

And taking no pleasure in being correct, he found her lying on the cold stone, the magic from the mark still glowing beyond control. He knelt beside her, her eyes watering as she came to accept the fact that she was not much longer for this world.

"Solas…" She whimpered.

"I am here, vhenan." He returned, taking her hand in his.

Her eyes softened considerably, lifting her intact hand to caress his cheek. "No matter what comes next, I forgive you."

There were few things left in the world that could surprise Solas, and that was one of them.

"What…?" He muttered, leaning in closer to her.

With a weak cough, she smiled up at him. "You did all you could to right your wrongs. Corypheus – it was not your fault."

Her knowledge, her understanding, she never ceased to amaze him. There she lay, in utter agony over the magic trying every second to devour her essence, still attempting to calm his guilt ridden mind. How she came across this knowledge, he did not know or care. She knew the truth and she deserved just that.

He lifted her head into his lap. "How is it that _I_ am the one at fault here, and you still feel the urge to comfort me?"

She let out a chuckle before coughing some more. "We cannot deny our nature. You did what you thought was best, I will not add to your dismay by continuing to point out your mistakes. I believed Blackwall capable of redemption, you deserve nothing but the same."

"My crimes are far more extensive than his."

"And?" She protested. "You did the best with the cards you were dealt. I cannot ask for more than that."

He shook his head in disbelief. "You could ask why this happened to you. Why I did what I did all those millennia ago, why I felt I had to –"

"Because." She interrupted with that smile of hers. "The best solution is never the easiest."

 _How can she smile at me, knowing that her death will be my doing?_ He asked himself.

"Solas." She said, sputtering out a cough. "I just need to ask – consider an alternative, any."

"Vhenan –"

"Promise me you'll think about it." She pled.

He could tell it was almost time. If this small comfort would grant her peace, he could not deny her. She had forgiven him for the mistake he wrought onto this world, she simply wanted him to think. And he could do that. He would do anything for her.

"I promise."

The smile that creased her face as she passed from this world almost caused his will to break. He had cursed her with his orb and left her to pick up the pieces of his mistake. She fought for a world to be saved, only for him to destroy it. And still, she smiled up at him.

But, he had to think beyond himself.

"Iravhen." He said suddenly as he stood.

One of the spirits he'd summoned crossed through the Eluvian and kneeled before him.

"Preparations are to continue as planned." He ordered. "Please take this body back to Halamshiral."

As both Iravhen and the lifeless body of his one true vhenan disappeared back through the Eluvian, he turned back to the ledge he had been standing on. Slowly he walked away from the life he had created in the Inquisition, walked away from the guilt and the sorrow.

"Ara suledin nadas." He muttered under his breath.

 _Now, I must endure. Ghilana emma lath din'an._


End file.
